thinking about john having to MAD SHAVE is so cute

dave is constantly torn between finding stubble attractive and being irritated by the weird texture whenever they kiss

sometimes john doesn’t shave just so he can bother dave

billy whines about wanting poptarts until teddy finally gets up and gets them at like midnight

he returns with unfrosted blueberry poptarts and billy is like oh

uh

this is not what i wanted

teddy is like well do you want me to go back and get you different ones, it’s not a problem i guess

and billy’s all no it’s fine really thanks for getting them

but later that night teddy wants to have sex and billy is like

do you want normal sex or unfrosted sex

it’s important to specify or else you get things you DON’T WANT

oh god you know john probably had those really intensely themed birthday parties when he was a kid

dad put his whole heart and soul into those parties but eventually john started spending more time on the internet and didn’t really want to have parties

because he has jade and dave and rose online to hang out with

it worries dad, gentle paternal spirit that he is

medieval au where john is a court jester

he affectionately gives the royal family (the strilondes) a hard time but they don’t ever kick him out of the castle because dirk knows it would upset jake and jane (a page and a kitchen worker, respectively) and he cares about them even though they are common or whatever

rose and roxy both think he’s really funny with how brutal he is with his opinions

dave keeps it to himself but he is weirdly attracted to john and he tries to not spend much time bullshitting around and also his fellow knight karkat constantly voices his frustration about how fond he is of john and dave doesn’t want to open that can of worms so he just tries to keep his hand out of it

Courtly Love

imagine john and dave as neighbors in an apartment complex and dave is always way too loud with his music and john is 100% done with his shit one day and he goes over there to angrily complain but

oh no he’s hot

(except he still angrily complains and dave is thereafter too scared to play his music and he even goes out of his way to ask john if his music is an okay volume thus beginning sweet sweet romance)

dirkjake loveless au

dirk would be a fighter and jake would be the sacrifice and they would be a fantastic team in terms of pure effectiveness but boy howdy what a dynamic to deal with interpersonally

bro is an extreme couponer

imagine john and dave as college roommates and dave has a vocal wet dream and they both know it and the next day they aren’t sure how to talk to each other

it wasn’t even necessarily a dream about john

but that doesn’t make anything better in the slightest

Anonymous asked: Quick, first Dave headcanon of yours that comes to mind!

dave is strikingly good at math but he can only do it in shortcuts

he is bad about learning the logic behind what he does and he often has to come up with bullshit workarounds—so proofs don’t sit well with him—but he’s got a really good brain for piecing things together as quickly as possible

especially when they involve pattern recognition

tiny jake finds out very quickly that thunderstorms are much scarier when you’re alone and grandma is not there to tell you it’s going to be okay